Uno vuelve siempre a los viejos sitios donde amó la vida

"Uno se despide, insensiblemente, de pequeña cosas. Lo mismo que un árbol que en tiempo de otoño se queda sin hojas. Al fin la tristeza es la muerte lenta de las simples cosas. Esas cosas simples que quedan doliendo en el corazón.
Uno vuelve siempre a los viejos sitios donde amó la vida. Y entonces comprende cómo están de ausentes las cosas queridas. Por eso muchacho no partas ahora soñando el regreso, que el es amor simple y a las cosas simples las devora el tiempo. Demórate aquí en la luz mayor de este mediodía, donde encontrarás con el pan al sol la mesa tendida. Por eso muchacho no partas ahora soñando el regreso, que el es amor simple y a las cosas simples las devora el tiempo.
Uno vuelve siempre a los viejos sitios donde amó la vida".

Saudade

So I guess the good news is I'm back home, or at least back at my place, cause I don't really know anymore where is home. I have moved so much, seen so many places. And still, last time I really felt at home, was last year cycling in the rain in my beloved Amsterdam. Is it possible that I'm so attached to a place where I lived for so little time? I keep going back in my mind to the voku nights at the Commelinstraat, to that summer in the Zeeburgerkade, playing music next to the fire at a place that now is destroyed. I keep dreaming to move back there. Although it was such a different life, I never felt I belonged so much to a place. I have lived in six countries, but I never felt freer and happier than living upstairs the MKZ, crossing Vondelpark every day, walking to the Amsterdamse Bos, cycling to the Kennemerland. Can I be cured of nostalgia? I should have been Portuguese, then saudade would have been ok. It's not that I'm unhappy or that I don't treasure my present life. It's about belonging. I know those times will never come back, but maybe I should just come back to the place where I found myself.
What's there for me now? How many times you need to move around until it's enough? Until you find home?

@pdesormeaux